i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
