remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
