You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
