God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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