lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
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Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
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Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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