She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Dear god my vagina.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
