i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
