I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize