he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
