apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
