Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
