why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
