Your mouth is God's brothel.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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