Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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