nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
