He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
