My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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