Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
