I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
