my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
