I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
