so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
