I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
