4 words: hood of his car
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
