he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
