Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Randomize
