No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
