I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
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