I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
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Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
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IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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