I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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