She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
