Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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