I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
