a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
