just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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