he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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