the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
