It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
