i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
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