I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
