I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
