i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
