Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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