I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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