Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
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i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
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Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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