I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
