she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
