No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
