You're completely useless in the revolution.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
