He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
