the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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