Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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