mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
