You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
