Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
