I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
