Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
A bitchslap is in order.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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