i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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