I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
