literally had 100 drinks last night.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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