everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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