I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
