I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
