you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So vagazzling was a success
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
