i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
