I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
