three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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