I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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