Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
