Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She even gives head with a lisp.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
