i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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